Previously before I married to hubby, I have list down a few item that hubby need to agreed upon before I agreed to marry him. The first 2 top on my list is I don’t want to stayed with my PIL and I have the options to goes back to my in-laws house during the weekends.

I’m agreed that throughout my marriage, hubby never ever force me to do this and I happy that hubby kept his promise.

The reason for me to state down this rules and regulations before I agreed to marry hubby was to avoid any argument in future about this. I have a very frank talk with hubby on this. He also knew how am I feel to stayed with my in laws.

It is not that I don’t respect them. I accept that they are my inlaws and parent to my hubby, grandparent to my daughters. but I need to have my own life… A life which am comfortable to lead with, a life that I build together with hubby for our children and so on….

All this while, when my FIL is sick, both my inlaws have move to stayed with one of my BIL in Klang… the first few months, it was okay… then problem started to cope up for no ways…

What I don’t understand was, why my SIL agreed to take over the responsiblity have some much complaints… If she dont want to continued this, please she got all the right to voice this out… We as the children and daugther in law will share the responsibility to take care of my MIL….

Since my FIL passed away early this year, I finally realise the responsibility to take care of her have increased. I told my SIL ( hubby’s sister) that if the children need to take care of my MIL, I willing to share upon my responsibility…

I also list down another set of rules for hubby to follow…our life will not change if my MIL came and stay with us… Zoey and Chloe will still be sent to my Mom’s place every morning and I will not rush back home every night just because my MIL is staying with me… I want to let hubby know that it is not that I dont welcome my MIL in my house but I want hubby to know that nothing will changed in our life eventhough my MIL is staying with us… This is also because I do not want hubby to expect too much from me… I always said to hubby, I also want my “me” time alone to do want I want to do… The only time that I can claimed as “me” time was during weekday after my office hour… I used to use this time to do my shopping and to do my hobby as during weekends, I tried to gave 100% of my time to my girls….

While I’m writing this post, my grandmother have been put to rest in Nirvana, Semenyih. Today also mark the day which chinese believe her spirit will be back to visit her home. my parents are now in Nirvana to choose my grandma’s tomb stone.

I feel very heavy heart when I saw the hearse carrying my grandma’s coffin started to move and all her children slowly push the car. and the situation at that time was very very sad. I suddenly realise that life is very short and you have to appreciate the people around you….

While I writing this post, I just came back from my grandma’s house. My grandma ie maternal grandmother have passed away this early morning at 1240am at the age of 95. According to the buddhism, if a person died at 90 year old and above, it should be a happy occassion. All the thing like lantern are in red colour to the candle stick being used also in red. I was surprised when I first see my mother and her sibling, all of them are sitting and talking – something that I never thought would happened in a funeral. I bring both the girls there with hubby and we pay our last respect for my grandma.

Before this happened, I felt some kind of feeling that is not good. And something bad did happened to me last week…. on Wed last week, the string that was attached to my shoe have suddenly let go and I got to myself a pair of new shoe and the next day, my the thread to my skirt suddenly let go and I spent 15 minutes in the toilet to amend it. then on friday, I received a call from my sister that my grandma sicked and my mom got to rushed home to see my grandma.

I’m not sure what happened to me this year, within the 1Q of  2008, I lost 3 people who are related to me. first, my father in law in January then  my niece in early march and now within a week time, I lost another person that is related to me – my maternal grandma. hopefully all the bad luck will go away and happiness is waiting for me in the future.

My relationship with my maternal grandma was not as close as the relationship that I had with my paternal grandma. As 9 years of my early age in Pahang, I did not have much encounter with my maternal grandma until I was moved down to KL when I was 10 yrs old. I still remember that I loves to visit her during the Chinese New Year as her ang pow was always big. There was a year where the ang pow contain about RM 1K per person.

Grandma, rest in peace and may god bless you….We are going to miss you alot….

Sometimes I wonder why a little child have to endured so much and yet before she could enjoyed her life, she need to go through the tragic way and she endured this for the last 15 years before she passed away last saturday.

The child that I meant was my niece – Gan Kai Yi ( my 2nd BIL’s only daughter). Frankly speaking, I did not have spent much time with Kai Yi. Throughout my courtship and marriage to hubby, we only sees Kai Yi during CNY or Dinner’s gathering among the family. I’m not going to write much here due to respect to my BIL’s family, but this post purpose was to remind myself that we need to treasure the time that we have for our family and never take thing for granted.

When I looked back into my life being a mother myself, I can understand the sadness felt by my SIL and BIL. The feeling that no ones can understand…

With all this thing that had happened in my life for the past 3 months, sometimes the feeling that I have to endured after Zoey and Chloe was borned have come back to haunt me. I still remember the feeling of angry, sadness and regretfulness all came into me when both of them was born especially when Zoey was borned. I still remember how zoey need to be left alone in the incubator all by herself while others baby at the same age already safely in their parent cuddle, how she need to endured all the examination and all the needle poked into her tiny leg and arm. All this had make me realised that nothing is much more important that your family and your child. From there onwards make me realised one thing – yes you can have the praised and awarded with all the money values to lead a very comfortable life but one thing you got to lose was your time with your family. Money is important but it cannot buy back your time with your family. once you lost it, you can never get it back.

Because of this, I decided to stayed at where I am now no matter how much encouragement that I get from hubby and my parent. I know with the qualification that I have and the experienced that I had, I can just ended with a high flyer job in the market. But I choose to stayed where I am now and I can lead my life the way I want. Something that hubby will never understand why I did that.

This conversation happened few weeks ago…

Mommy: Zoey, want to eat Cereal?

Zoey: No! No! ( she was shouting)

Mommy: Then, what you want? you want porridge?

Zoey: Ya,

then she continued…

Zoey: Po Po cooked!

I was surprised when you said so. then continued again

Zoey: Mei Mei ( also ) eat!

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Last saturday, it was raining quite heavily, we was watching the tv and I purposely put on the Barney show for her so that she can play on her on.

Mommy : Zoey. you see it is raining.

Zoey : Rain Rain ( please) go away…

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I was playing with Chloe once evening,

Mommy : Chloe, you’re naughty right?

Chloe:(  just smiling)…aahooh..aah ooh!

Mommy : Jie Jie naughty or not?

From no where, I hear Zoey replying….

Zoey : No No, Mei Mei (is)

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Ever since Zoey’s speech development improved, we some sort of having much conversation between us now. She understand what we said and some time, she will add on her speech….

We took Chloe to see her Pead Doc today. As of today, her weight is 7.6kg. according to her doctor, she is in a good health and very good progress eventhough she was borned prematured at 34 weeks.

Today also mark my first time cooking porridge for my girls. It was a very nice experiment where I can feed both my girl the same time and I’m so happy about this.

As Chloe are more mobile now, the process of taken care of her have become more flexible. since last week she have start taking porridge/cereal, her milk intake have reduce and this have make easier for us to plan what we want to do for the weekend or we want to go… No more hassle of bringing more milk when we want to go out….